This picture of me was taken right before I moved to Birmingham. August will be here in a couple of days (excuse me??), and that marks three years of me living in the Magic City. Some people might find it cheesy when there are sentimental anniversary posts like this.. honestly I do too. Cheesy or not, these three years have been the most scary, joy-filled, strenuous, beautiful years of my life thus far. I have Highlands College to thank for the majority of it, and I could zero in on that time of my life alone and tell you how remarkable those two years were for me personally. But out of the three years of living here, the most difficult, heartbreaking, restorative and eye opening moments followed me walking the stage to receive my certificate. Some people have difficult days, weeks and even months… or if you are like me you might have a whole year that is just… well… rough.
This past year, my anxiety was at an all time high, I questioned my purpose, mourned a loved one choosing to waltz out of my life, I carried the weight of other peoples’ issues, I battled with unforgiveness, I succumbed to bad habits I gave up years ago… to just name a few things. All of these things hit me H.A.R.D. I distanced myself from the people closest to me and the ones who desired the best for my life. Very few people know this, but I came very close to throwing in the towel and moving back to Memphis because I thought that would fix things. But recently, an incident occurred that shook my entire foundation and belief system and who I saw myself to be…. but because of what happened, I began to experience joy again. LOL What?!? How could I experience joy in the midst of probably the hardest thing I have been through?? (disclaimer: it did not hit me like fairy dust) I slowly found joy in knowing that my Jesus had walked hand in hand with me through this difficult situation, bringing sweet family and friends to fight with me and make feel so loved (you know who you are!!!). I found my joy in knowing that my purpose was not sabotaged by a bad year. I found my joy in choosing to be in relationship again with people who spoke truth and life into me. I found joy in snuggling closer to Jesus because I was certain He was using my tears and struggles to write out a story that could help other people along the way.
Recently, I heard Jeremy Foster put it best this way, “Don’t ever despise pain that draws you closer to the feet of the cross.” I do not aspire to downplay the pain I have felt or anyone else’s pain they are dealing with or have dealt with. But I do believe we have the choice to run into the arms of a Father who loves us entirely TOO MUCH to just leave us and suffer all alone. We have the choice to invite Him into our cesspool and help us out in ways we could never escape ourselves. This post might be all over the place and I applaud you if you made it this far. I battled with even posting it. But let me encourage you, from one broken person to another… You have GOT THIS friend!! You are very capable in receiving abounding joy once again! Do not let the whirlwind that comes with a difficult season deflect the chance of you being able to receive help from Jesus and the people in your circle. We all need a helping hand and I believe true joy comes when we humble ourselves enough to receive it.
I am very thankful for the opportunity I had to move to Birmingham… the lessons I have learned here have impacted me for a lifetime. I have not always liked you but I sure do love you now, Birmingham.
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